参与和自我实现--尊重你的孩子

刚刚在nogreaterjoy上读到这篇文章：

http://www.nogreaterjoy.org/articles/child-training/art-of-training/article-display/archive/2008/august/13/a-promise/

8:11 因为智慧比珍珠〔或作红宝石〕更美．一切可喜爱的、都不足与比较。
8:12 我智慧以灵明为居所、又寻得知识和谋略。
8:13 敬畏耶和华、在乎恨恶邪恶．那骄傲、狂妄、并恶道、以及乖谬的口、都为我所恨恶。
8:14 我有谋略、和真知识．我乃聪明．我有能力。

读的这篇文章，我忽然想到了我和奔奔的事情。前几天晚上，奔奔在客厅玩耍时，将组合柜的玻璃板托架弄坏了，玻璃板险些砸到儿子。我和奔奔出去买回来钉子后，我就想把奔奔仍在一边，自己来修理。奔奔就非常的受挫和烦躁，甚至发怒起来，我被奔奔的嚷闹也搅得烦躁起来，就拖他到一边，警告他说：再哭我就揍你！可是他太小根本不会控制自己的情绪。眼看一场冲突就将爆发。

这是，爱人急忙过来，拉开我的手，轻声说：别这样，他只是想参与。我顿了一下，就分了工作给儿子--在旁边帮我拿钉子，我们配合的很好，儿子也很高兴。看着修好的橱柜，我可以得意的说：看！儿子，我们把它修好啦！

在 12 parenting essentials 中，文章特别提到了尊重孩子：

4. Respect/尊重

Children are future adults—little people. They have the same souls, the same feelings, pride, shame, desire to be accepted, to be approved. Children have opinions, ideas, and views that they like to share. They may talk you to death, but often what is tiresome to an adult is significant to a child.

A child has a right not to be tickled until it hurts, not to be bullied aside simply because he is smaller. If a child is to respect himself and others, he must be shown respect. A child that does not respect the person, rights, and feelings of others is usually just reciprocating in kind. A human being without self-respect is lower than an animal. Children estimate their value according to how they are valued by others.

正如原文体现的那样，尊重孩子合理的需求，引导他，这样就少一些冲突，少一些孩子发展中的挫折，尊重他，帮助他，引导他走当走的路。

不是堵，压制，而是疏导。前者靠的是暴力，而后者靠的是智慧。愿神赐智慧给我们。