Why Would God Allow This To Happen?

上帝为何允许此事发生？

By: Wanda Hughes

译：海宁

My grief washed over me like a tidal wave.

悲伤如同潮水一般，一次次漫过我身。

Scenes flashed across my memory: There was the time when I was at a highway rest stop and saw an elderly mother leading her handicapped adult son out of a stall. I thought, “I could never cope with that.”

At night, when the children and my husband were asleep, I was left alone with my ponderings. I didn’t want to know this pain.

一幕幕在我脑海中闪现：曾几何时，我停靠在高速路的服务区，见到一个年老的妇人领着她已入成年的残疾儿子从小商铺中走出来。当时我想，“我绝不会那样”。

当夜幕降临，孩子们和丈夫已经熟睡，我仍在独自沉思，我不想感受这种痛。

God must have made some mistake. We don’t have the resources, the patience, the skills or the abilities. We aren’t great parents. We are just simple, common folk. We aren’t equipped to make these decisions. If we truly love this child, would it be better to hand him over to someone who IS capable? If so, why did God place him with us? I looked back over my pregnancy and tried to figure out a cause, as though having an event to blame would help.

上帝一定搞错了。我们没有资源，耐心，技巧和能力。我们不是伟大的父母。我们只是卑微的普通人而已。我们没有来做这些决定的天赋。上帝啊，如果我们真爱这个孩子，将他降生在那些能够承担的家庭中是不是更好？如果是的，你又为何将他放在我们之中？我反思怀孕的期间，竭力想找出原因，似乎找到一个可指责的事情能够得到慰藉。

Was it something I took? Did I eat too much protein? Or the wrong kind of protein? Did I not eat enough vegetables? Was it because I ate contaminated foods? Was it something to which my husband or I was exposed?

因为我吃了什么药么？我吃了太多的蛋白质？或者某种有害的蛋白质？因为我没有吃足够多的蔬菜？或是我吃了太多有污染的食物？或是我和丈夫受到了某种辐射？

During my pregnancy we had refused screening because, “We aren’t going to send him back,” we flippantly responded. “We will take whatever God gives us.” But now, I truly wondered if it hadn’t been a way of protecting us from the temptation of abortion. In my swirl of emotions, I wondered how far our fear and doubts would have taken us. I trusted we wouldn’t have done it, but now I wasn’t so sure.

怀孕的时候，我拒绝了缺陷筛查，因为“我们不想送他回去”，我们轻松的回答道，“无论上帝赐给我们是什么，我们都将接受”。但现在，我真的怀疑：这是不是一个让我们避免流产诱惑的借口。在我情感的漩涡中，我担心我们恐惧和疑惑还要占据我们内心多久。我曾相信我们不会那么做，但现在我们却不那么肯定了。

As I sobbed, I wrapped my arms around myself to steady my shaking. My stomach was twisted in knots. The tears flowed, but they weren’t healing tears. This was a sorrow without answers. I heard my keening as though I were listening to someone else sorrowing. I struggled to put my thoughts together in light of my faith.

抽泣之中，我用双手紧抱自己，来缓解全身的颤抖。我痛苦万分。眼泪流了，却不是治愈的泪水。这是无言的悲痛。我听见自己悲痛如同听见别人在痛苦。我挣扎着把思绪放在信仰的亮光之中。

Was there something we should have said, done or prayed? Was this because of our past sin? Or our current sin? Or sin we weren’t aware of? Is this God’s wrath displayed in our child’s suffering? “And his disciples asked him, saying, Master, who did sin, this man, or his parents, that he was born blind?” (John 9:2). The words that had once been an interesting Bible story now haunted me.

我们应该预先说什么、做什么或者祷告什么吗？是因为我们过去的罪么？或是我们现在的罪？是上帝的怒气显现在我们孩子的痛苦之上么？“门徒问耶稣说，拉比、这人生来是瞎眼的、是谁犯了罪、是这人呢、是他父母呢。”（约翰福音9：2）这些文字曾是有趣的圣经故事，现在却萦绕我在我心中。

Was God trying to tell us something? Or was it a random occurrence? Could I dare to think that Jesus’ answer to his disciples would apply to my son? “Jesus answered, Neither hath this man sinned, nor his parents: but that the works of God should be made manifest in him” (John 9:3).

I thought of my family: What about our other children? This isn’t fair to them! They have bright futures before them and now our limited resources will be strained further. We aren’t young. We were planning to retire one day and enjoy our twilight years together with grandchildren around our feet. Those dreams will be changed.

是因为上帝要向我们说些什么吗？或只是一个随机事件？我可以壮胆去想耶稣给门徒的回答可以应用到我的儿子身上么？“耶稣回答说、也不是这人犯了罪、也不是他父母犯了罪、是要在他身上显出神的作为来。”（约翰福音9：3）我想到了我的家庭：我们其他的孩子怎么办？这对他们不公平！他们本有着光明的前途，但现在我们本不富裕的家境将面临更加的窘迫。我们不年轻了。我们曾在计划某一天退休，享受我们的黄昏时光，尽享天伦之乐。这些梦想将会改变了。

What about our marriage? I thought about the flawed areas of our marriage. We had rough spots. Would this be too much? Would our love be broken in a way that was beyond our ability to mend? Would we lose each other? I didn’t WANT to lose my husband! I NEEDED him! I ached for him.

我们的婚姻怎么办？我想到了我们婚姻中瑕疵的方面。我们有很多的问题，再加上这个，会不会太多？我们的爱会破碎到超过我们无法弥补的地步么？我们将会失去彼此么？我不愿失去我的丈夫！我需要他！我切切的需要他！

He was dealing with his own swirl of emotions. In his way, he did for me what he needed. He gave me space while he went to work and put in a new floor. He dealt with his pain privately and in his own way. It felt like I had been abandoned. I knew I wasn’t, but it felt terribly lonely. Thankfully, I was too occupied to lash out at him. It would have only made matters worse.

他在对付他自己的伤痛。他用他的方式，为我做了他需要做的。他去工作的时候，给我留出了空间。他用自己的方式，暗暗的对付他的伤痛。感觉上，我好像被抛弃了。我知道没有，但是感觉非常的孤独。好在我把自己的时间排得满满的，以至于顾不上粘着他。那样只会使事情更糟。

The books I had collected since childhood, planning to share them with my children, now sat on the shelves in their neat little rows and seemed to laugh at me. I wanted to joy in the academic accomplishments and the smartness of my children. Now, I would see other children breeze past milestones that my child would likely struggle to master. I didn’t know if he would ever be able to read.

书架上整齐的排着各样的书，那些书是我从小开始收藏的，计划将来和我的孩子们一同分享，现在却好像在嘲笑着我。我愿为我的孩子从这些书中得到教育和智慧喜乐。现在，我却要眼看着我的孩子挣扎着学习那些其他孩子轻易就能学会的东西。我不知道他是否能够学会识字。

So many people said, “these children” are blessings. If this was a blessing, why was I dying inside? I saw a news report about a boy who was the biggest fan of a sports team. He was called an inspiration, instead of a kid who liked football. I didn’t want to mother an inspiration, I wanted a son.

很多人这样说”这样的孩子“是祝福。如果这是祝福，为何我在其中甚至悲痛要死？我曾读过一篇新闻说一个孩子是一个球队最大的球迷，他被称为一个”灵魂人物“，而不仅仅是”一个爱好足球的孩子“。我不想抚养一个”灵魂人物“，我需要一个儿子。

HEALTH CONSIDERATIONS

健康方面考虑
What happens if he dies? What happens if he doesn’t die? What happens to him if we die? In my heart I wondered if he would die from physical complications. In a way, it was the only thing that made sense. My son would die; we would grieve, and we would somehow move on. Our friends would comfort us. I would sorrow over the loss, and we would honor his memory by becoming better people. Surely that’s what God had in mind. Now I was negotiating which sorrow I could better manage.

他要是没了怎么办？他要是活下来会发生什么事？如果我们死了，他怎么办？在我心中，我不能确定他是否会死于身体并发症。在某种意义上，这也是唯一有意义的事情。我的儿子将会死，我们将会悲伤，然后我们仍然要继续生活。我们的朋友会来安慰。我们会最终胜过，不在悲伤，我们努力成为更好的人，以至于关于他的记忆成为一种荣耀。这肯定是上帝的想法。现在我正在衡量那种悲痛我更能掌控一些。

And if he lived? How would we teach him? What if he can’t learn? What if he can’t understand about God? Will he understand enough to have faith for salvation? The sobs shook me again. My mama’s heart said to hold that baby. Bond with him. MAKE him respond. I had done that, but NOW . . 如果他活下来呢？我们该怎样教他呢？如果他不会学习怎么办？如果他不能够认识神怎么办？他会有足够的理解力来对救恩有信心么？悲痛又一次袭来。我的那颗母亲的心说：留住那个孩子，总在他身边，使他有反应。我已经这样做了，但现在。。。

I was afraid to look at him because I didn’t want to see any features that hinted at his condition. I only wanted to see my son, but in looking at him, I knew the day would come when strangers would only see a diagnosis when they saw him. I knew this because I had been one of those people. Now other mothers would do that when they saw MY child.

我很害怕看他，因为我不愿看到任何预示他状况的特征。我只想看我的儿子，但是当看着他的时候，我知道有一天，那些陌生人看他的时候，只会把他当作一个“病例”。我知道会这样，因为我也曾经是他们当中的一个。现在当别的妈妈们看到我的孩子的时候，她们也会这样做。

We had only been his parents a few months. People had spent lifetimes studying his condition. We were faced with mountains of documents while I was still recovering from giving birth, coping with a new baby, dealing with hospitals, doctors, surgery, etc. There was so much to learn. How was I ever going to decide what to believe when the experts didn’t even agree?

我们才刚刚当了他几个月的父母，人们却曾花费很长的时间来研究他的症状。我们面前的文件堆积如山，于此同时我却处在生产的恢复中，迎接一个新的生命，处理医院的各样手续，各样的医生，各个诊室等等等等。有太多的东西需要学习。就连那些专家都无法达成一致的事情，我怎么来决定？

While I was still trying to cope with the diagnosis and struggling to manage his care, I began to wonder if I would ever get to be just his mom. I wondered if his little arms would ever encircle my neck and if he would ever utter a joyful declaration of his love for me.

当我在应对各样诊断忙于照顾他的时候，我开始想我是否应该只做他的妈妈。我不知他的小胳膊是否会绕着我的脖子，他是否会高兴的叫出来，来表明他爱我。

EARLY INTERVENTION PROGRAMS

早期介入程序
Many voices told us to get him into an early intervention program as soon as possible. He wasn’t even six months old yet! The dictionary defines intervention as an action that comes between two parties by force or threat of force to maintain or alter a condition. While I believed that these workers had the best of intentions, I held my little one closer and refused their “helps.”

有很多声音告诉我们，尽快把他送到早期介入程序。他还不到6个月大！辞典这么定义“介入”：双方迫于压力或者潜在压力，为保持或改变某种处境而采取的措施。虽然我相信这些工人动机很好，但是我更加的抱紧我的小东西，拒绝了他们的“帮助”。

Instinctively, I knew that anyone or anything that tried to move this child outside of the authority of his parents would also remove the protection he desperately needed. I would learn later that in my area, the therapists who coordinate services for children with special needs are also backlogged with children who suffer because of a lack of stimulation. This means that they can begin to treat all of their cases as though they are working with children of parents that are “ignorant” or “unwilling” to help their children. Later, we would utilize various services, but always at our direction and discretion.

出于本能，我知道任何人或任何事在试图将这个孩子脱离父母监管的同时，也将拿掉这个孩子极端需要的保护。我稍后才知道，临床医生在针对这些孩子各种特殊需求采取措施的时候，他们导致了这些孩子承受缺乏激励的痛苦。这意味着他们在照顾这些父母“抛弃”或“不愿抚养”的孩子的时候，也可能这样做。以后我们也会使用各种医疗服务，但是一定都在我们的指导和决定之下。

THE TASK OF BECOMING INFORMED

变得信息灵通的任务
I tentatively glanced over medical literature and cringed. The words were delivered with clinical heartlessness: “mongoloid,” “mental retardation,” “thick tongue,” “low I.Q.,” “poor health,” “poor social skills,” “congenital defect” . . . I would later learn that much of the information was terribly outdated. The sick feeling returned to my stomach. If this is what they EXPECT from my child, why would I want them to treat him?

我略略扫了一眼医疗报告，又抖缩起来。冷冰冰的医疗术语写着：蒙古症患者，智力缓育，舌头粗大，智商低，健康差，社交能力差，先天缺陷，，，我稍后才知道，这些信息大部分都是太陈旧了。我又痛苦起来，如果这些是他们预计我的孩子将来的样子，我为什么还让他们来治疗他？

Someone must have been praying for me in that moment. In my soul, the tiniest seed of faith stood up and said, “I don’t know what to believe, but I know WHO to believe. I want to know what He has to say.” So I pulled out my Bible and read in Psalm 127:3, “Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.” Whose reward? His? That is referring to God! I looked again at the words in the medical reports. They were in stark contrast to the WORD.

那个时候一定有人为我祷告了。在我的灵魂深处，那最小的信心的种子起来说：“我不知道该相信什么，但我知道该相信谁。我想知道他（上帝）怎么说。” 所以我打开我的圣经，读了诗篇127：3，“儿女是耶和华所赐的产业．所怀的胎、是他所给的赏赐。” 谁的赏赐？他的？这指的是他！我再次看了看医疗报告上的字，这些字与圣经上的字形成了鲜明的对比。

The experts all said my child was a disappointment, a defect. The Psalmist said that God had fashioned this child as His own reward, a divine trophy.

专家们说我的孩子是一个失败，缺陷。诗篇说上帝造了这个孩子作为他的奖赏，神圣的奖品。

“And the man of God answered, The LORD is able to give thee much more than this.” II Chronicles 25:9

“神人回答说、耶和华能把更多的赐给你。”历代志下25：9

I recalled how God used the stone that the builders had rejected. Psalm 118:21-23 stated, “I will praise thee: for thou hast heard me, and art become my salvation. The stone which the builders refused is become the head stone of the corner. This is the LORD’s doing; it is marvellous in our eyes” (cf. Matthew 21:42; Mark 12:10; Luke 20:17).

我想起神怎样使用匠人所弃的石头。诗篇118：21-23说，“我要称谢你、因为你已经应允我、又成了我的拯救。匠人所弃的石头、已成了房角的头块石头。这是耶和华所作的、在我们眼中看为希奇。”（又见马太福音21：42；马可福音12：10；路加福音20：17）

I remembered the Syrophenician woman who was glad to be called a dog if it meant she got crumbs from Jesus’ table (cf. Matthew 15:27, 28). The word began to wash over me, “But God hath chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise; and God hath chosen the weak things of the world to confound the things which are mighty” (I Corinthians 1:27).

我想起那个迦南妇人被叫做狗的时候很高兴，因为这意味着她能够吃到耶稣桌上的碎屑儿。（见 马太福音15：27-28）这些话语开始洗涤我，“神却拣选了世上愚拙的、叫有智慧的羞愧．又拣选了世上软弱的、叫那强壮的羞愧．”（哥林多前书1：27）
Strains of a childhood hymn came to me:

孩童时代的一首赞美诗在我心中响起：

Jesus loves me! This I know,

耶稣爱我万不错

for the Bible tells me so.

因有圣书告诉我

Little ones to him belong;

凡属耶稣众小羊

they are weak, but he is strong.

虽他软弱主刚强

I determined to measure my and my child’s success or failure by God’s measure, and none other. The difficulties and challenges were still there. The circumstance didn’t change.

我决定用上帝的标准来衡量我和我孩子的成功与失败，而不用任何其他的标准。困难和挑战仍在那里。环境也没有改变。

But now, we knew something that all of the experts (and many in our fellowship) did not know: This was no cosmic accident caused by sticky chromosomes or rotten eggs. This was a trust, a commission, placed within our hands – just like all of our other children. God would teach us what to do, tell us when to do it and provide the means to accomplish the task as we sought to serve Him. In the midst of our past and the future uncertainties, we clung to “I AM.”

但现在，我们知道一些那些专家（还有我们当中的一些人）所不知道的：这不是染色体变异或是坏鸡蛋引发的宇宙随机事件。这是交在我们手中的一件托付，使命--如同我们其他所有的孩子一样。上帝会教我们该做什么，告诉我们什么时候去做且在我们寻求服侍他的时候供给我们完成这些事情所需的资源。在我们不确定的过去和将来的中间，我们依靠“耶和华”。

As we prayed and sought God, He directed us to the resources that offered our son hope and fit our family. We changed our diet and got creative in how to find the highest quality foods at the lowest prices. I began to read about natural health and herbal remedies. Instead of running in fear from our child’s diagnosis, we were now pursuing the hope. Predators tried to take advantage of us and said things like, “Purchase our product so your son will develop normally. See our pictures? Read testimonies from other parents!” We refused hope in a bottle and chose to hope in Him.

当我们祷告寻求神的时候，他指引我们那些适合我们家庭并给儿子提供信心的资源。我们改变了饮食结构，并且在如何发现价廉物美的食物上越来越有创造力。我开始阅读自然疗法和中医方法。不是因着我们孩子的诊断而恐惧奔跑，而是在追寻希望。奸商们试图利用我们，说了诸如“买我们的产品吧，这样你的儿子就会健康发展。看看这些照片！看看其他父母的见证！”之类的话。我们拒绝对这小瓶子怀有希望，我们选择信靠神。

A secular organization of neurodevelopmentalists trained us to think of brain development in a whole new way. We knew they were an answer to prayer when they said, “You are the expert on your child. We are the experts on brain development. We will teach you what we know, evaluate your child and show you how to apply our techniques at home.” God provided the funds for us to use their services for two years. When the funds ran out, we were armed with information and able to move forward.

一个非宗教的神经训导机构训练我们从一个全新的角度来审视头脑发展。他们说，“对于你们的孩子你们是专家。我们是头脑发展的专家。我们会教你我们知道的，评估你的孩子并且教会你如何在家里应用我们的技术”。当我们听到这些话的时候，我们知道这是神对祷告的回应。上帝为我们预备了使用他们服务两年时间所需的资金。当这些资金用完之后，我们装备好了各样的信息，能够继续向前。

A book on the politics of nutrition educated me about food. A book by a mother of an autistic son showed me how to track down the cause of odd behaviors and symptoms in a systematic way, investigating the effects of certain foods on our child.

一本关于营养策略的书教导了我关于食物的理念。一名孤独症患儿的母亲所写的书告诉我如何有系统的追踪导致奇怪行为或症状的原因，调查特定食物对我们孩子的影响。

It would be deceptive of me to make it sound like it was an easy ride. It hasn’t been. There have been stretches when we weren’t sure if we were making the right decision. God has patiently taught us how to follow Him by various means.

如果这听起来似乎很好应对，那么你一定是误会了。从来没有容易过。曾经有一次次的挣扎，我们无法确定是否做了正确的决定。上帝满有耐心的用各种方法来教我们跟从他。

Sometimes a series of tiny adjustments have led us to places we would have never set as our goal. More than once I’ve had to purpose to follow after my husband in obedience to God’s word when others quietly wondered if he wasn’t being foolish. I’m proud to say that if he is a fool, he is God’s fool. God has proved more than equal to the task of teaching my husband all He needs him to know to lead us.

有时一系列小小的调整却将我们领入我们从未计划到的地方。不止一次的，我立志跟随我的丈夫顺服主的话语，而其他人却在静想他是否在犯傻。我自豪的说，他若是个傻子，就是上帝的傻子。在教导我的丈夫他所应该知道的关于如何引领我们的方面，上帝非常的胜任。

Have we been overwhelmed? Oh yes! This is far too big a task for us. Thankfully, “I know whom I have believed, and am persuaded that he is able to keep that which I have committed unto him against that day” (II Timothy 1:12).

我们被压倒了么？是的！这是一个对于我们太大的使命。感谢神，“因为知道我所信的是谁、也深信他能保全我所交付他的、〔或作他所交托我的〕直到那日。”（提摩太后书1：12）

God is big enough to handle your hurts, your anger, your doubts and your fears. Jesus is the only One who truly understands, and He knows just what you and your family need. “But when Jesus heard that, he said unto them, They that be whole need not a physician, but they that are sick. But go ye and learn what that meaneth, I will have mercy, and not sacrifice” (Matthew 9:12,13).

上帝足够的大来处理你的伤痛，抚平你的愤怒，消除你的疑惑和你的恐惧。耶稣是唯一一位真的理解你的，他知道你和你的家庭所需要的。“耶稣听见、就说、康健的人用不着医生、有病的人才用得着。我喜爱怜恤、不喜爱祭祀”（马太福音9：12，13）

When you think about it, ALL of God’s children have required extraordinary measures. “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:28-30).

你想想看，所有神的孩子都要采取特别的措施。“凡劳苦担重担的人、可以到我这里来、我就使你们得安息。我心里柔和谦卑、你们当负我的轭、学我的样式、这样、你们心里就必得享安息。因为我的轭是容易的、我的担子是轻省的。”（马太福音11：28-30）