Sitting Still in Church

By: Michael Pearl

I am unable to find any specific advice on how to get a young child (ours is 18 months) to sit still in church.

Dear Mike and Debi Pearl,
Can you please help us? I realize you are very busy and may not have time to answer this, but after reading several of your books and a great number of your articles, I am unable to find any specific advice on how to get a young child (ours is 18 months) to sit still in church. We would so like to have him in the service with us instead of the nursery, but that is completely unrealistic right now. You wouldn't advocate spanking him right in the middle of church, would you? He is otherwise a fairly well-behaved, happy little boy who has responded well to your training techniques.

Eileen

Dear Eileen,
Please don't do that! Don't disrupt the entire church to spank your child. When you train at home you will not have to train in public.
Train at Home
Go home and train. Set up a training session each day, duplicating as closely as possible the church service. Sit in uncomfortable chairs and play some hymns on the stereo. Then play teaching or preaching tapes while the family sits quietly and listens. Or you can sit beside him and read the Bible in a monotone voice. Better yet, if you don’t have the electronic media and you are able to induce your spouse to assist you, let your husband pretend he is the preacher and carry on for a little while, saying nothing interesting. [Mike wrote the above line, not me.] Keep your switch handy, but not visible during this session. Speak in a whisper or use sign language as you would in church. If the child offends at a level that would be inappropriate in church, then swat him while making your sign language or while whispering your correction. 
He needs to know you are not mad at him; you are helping him learn to do a new thing. The first day, he may feel very mistreated and be unhappy. For that reason, you may want to keep your first sessions rather short, and build up to one hour. As the days progress, he will slowly figure out what is required of him and he will get more content. If you can’t get him to sit still at home during these sessions, then don’t take him in public where you will upset others. 
We always took a little blanket to church so the small children could lie on the floor and go to sleep if they pleased. As the children got old enough to draw or color, we brought along something to keep them busy. This was not to purchase their cooperation, rather, we did it out of mercy. They do not have as much tolerance as us socially minded adults. Why torture them for an hour or two just to prove they can obey us under such adverse boredom? 
The key is happy training at home. He will come to understand that when you require him to sit quietly, he must do so. We get letter every week from families that have successfully trained 6 or 8 children in one week. All training follows the same line. Drill, exercise, and practice while in a state of peace and control, before you reach the place of critical performance. Prepare the child so that he never reaches the breaking point. I say again: the secret is a cheerful countenance that finds creative ways to introduce the child to the demands he must face, and then to drill him in an air of cooperation and expectancy, until he develops the habits we desire. This eliminates the confrontations and crises, allowing everyone to continue in peace and fellowship.

安静的坐在教会里

由：迈克尔明珠

我无法找到任何具体的建议，如何让幼儿（我们是18个月）安静的坐在教堂里。

亲爱的迈克和德比明珠，
您能帮助我们吗？我知道您是非常忙碌，可能没有足够的时间来回答，但在阅读您的一些书籍和大量的文章之后，我无法找到任何具体的建议，如何让幼儿（我们是18个月）安静的坐在教堂里。我们是如此的希望他和我们一同敬拜而不是把他放在主日学里，然而现在这是完全不现实的。你不会主张在敬拜过程中打他屁股吧，是么？他是一个行为相当好的，快乐的小男孩且对你的训练方法反应良好。

艾琳

亲爱的艾琳，
请不要这样做！不要因打你的孩子屁股而扰乱教堂。当你在家里训练时，你就不必再公众场合训练了。
在家里训练
回家训练。每天设立了一个培训会议，尽可能复制敬拜时的情形。坐在不舒服椅子上并且用音响播放一些赞美诗。然后播放教学磁带或讲道，并和家人安静地坐着听。或者，您可以坐在他的旁边，并用单调的声音宣读圣经。更好的是，如果您没有电子媒体而您能够促使你的配偶来帮助你，让你的丈夫假装他是牧师和进行了一会儿讲道，说一些毫无乐趣的话。[上述是迈克写的，而不是我。 ]恰当的管教，但这个期间别被看见。像在教会里那样用耳语或者是形体语言。如果孩子的行为冒犯到在教堂中不合适的程度，那么就打他，同时用您的手语或小声的纠正。
他需要知道你不是对他发疯，你是帮助他学习如何做一个新事物。第一天，他可能会感到非常的虐待和不高兴。出于这个原因，您可能要让您的第一次训练短一些，最多一小时。随着时间的进展，他将慢慢弄清楚需要他做什么，他将会获得更多的满足。如果你在这些家里的训练时候不能让他安静的坐着，请不要把他在公众地方，那只会使人沮丧。
我们总是带着一个小毯去教堂，这样如果小孩子高兴，他们可以躺在地板上睡觉。当孩子们长大能够画画或者涂色的时候，我们就带东西让他们保持忙碌。这不是收买他们来合作，相反，我们这样做是出于怜悯。他们同我们这样有社会思想的成年人相比，缺少忍耐。为什么仅仅要为了证明他们能够服从这样无味的时光，而煎熬他们一到两个小时呢？
关键是在家里快乐训练。他会认识到，当你要求他安静的坐着的时候，他必须这样做。我们每周都收到一些家庭的信件，他们在一周之内成功的训练了6-8岁的孩子。所有的训练遵循同样的路线。演习，练习，同时在和平与控制的状态下实践，在您到达关键的表现地点之前。训练儿童，使他从来不去触及底线。我再说一遍：秘密是用一个和蔼的面容，找到认为有创意的办法，来让孩子知道他必须面对的，然后在合作和期盼的气氛中训练他，直到他养成我们期望的习惯来。这消除了对抗和危机，让每个人能够继续和平和友谊。